My BF weighs himself every morning — as far as I can tell, out of idle curiosity, because there is no sign that he is ever affected one way or the other by the number it reveals. Our apartment is small and we get ready for our day at the same time, so every morning I see this weighing non-event. This morning was the first morning it triggered the urge, I should weigh myself, I’ve been so good about food and exercise, I wonder how much weight I’ve lost. It took serious willpower to not step on the scale, and I am really proud that I didn’t because the scale is not my friend.
Here’s why: when I’m not focusing on my weight and/or fitness, I avoid the scale like the plague; this is when the annual 5-10 creeps on. When I’m actively working on my weight and/or fitness, I tend to weigh myself somewhat obsessively (every day, sometimes twice) to track my weight fluctuation. And even though rationally I know weight shifts slowly, and fluctuates throughout the day and week and month, when the number doesn’t change fast enough it stresses me out so that eventually I just stop weighing myself, and I lose the source of accountability that keeps me eating well and/or exercising, so eventually I stop eating well and/or exercising, and then the cycle begins again as I enter into a loooonnnnng phase of not focusing on my weight and/or fitness.
There’s also an inherent problem with the urge I had this morning: I wonder how much weight I’ve lost presupposes that I’ve lost weight. And realistically, it’s possible that I haven’t lost any at all. There are a lot of reasons why the number might not have actually changed: muscle gain, time in my menstrual cycle, water retention (last night’s curry masterpiece was very salty), etc. None of those things mean my body hasn’t undergone positive change over the last 6 days as a result of (mostly) clean eating and dedication to fitness. Giving in to that urge, stepping on the scale, and seeing no change is just a dollar in the mental you can’t do this bank. Earn enough dollars and I can cash out: stop eating well, stop exercising, and go back to the way things were.
That’s why this time I decided to just give up on the scale (for the most part) and track my progress relatively infrequently. It’s a marathon, not a race, so I am only tracking progress often enough to ensure that I am in fact losing weight and losing inches: measurements and progress pics once a month, and weight every three months. Eventually I hope to throw away the scale entirely since in the long run, my primary concern is how my body feels — in clothes, out of clothes, while moving, while still.
It’s going to be a battle. I beat the urge this morning but it will be back. I know it will get stronger and I will need more willpower to beat it.
But this morning, I beat it. High five, self.
Miles to Mordor: walked 4 (approximately. I didn’t bring my fancy phone so didn’t track miles exactly. I’m rounding down a quarter mile from an educated guess based on the deviation I took from my normal route for C25k + walk home )
Strength training: Rest day 2/3
Breakfast: Greek yogurt, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries
Afternoon brunch: 2 eggs, 1 UK-style sausage, 1 1/2 slices bacon, 1 tomato, sauteed mushrooms, 1 wh wh English muffin, 1/3 cup Heinz beans
Snack: carrot and celery sticks
(Light) dinner: leftover aloo gobi (stir-fry curried potatoes/cauliflower) with dollop Greek yogurt