Day 12: food, fitness, and feelings

I am overeducated and currently unemployed. I graduated from my second masters program in May, hit the Appalachian Trail in June, and moved to California with my BF at the beginning of July. I have been looking for work in my field since then. It is incredibly stressful but I do my best to not get too upset about it. Some days are harder than others though. I’ve been in the running for an awesome job I really want for the last month but I found out this afternoon that the employer has changed their mind and, actually, they aren’t willing to consider a fellowship candidate after all (in my field, the first job is a fellowship). I’m sad about the job, but more than that, it brought up a lot of feelings of inadequacy and failure related to my inability to break into my field. I’ve been snappish with my BF for no good reason and I’m listening to Dizzee Rascal at top volume because it drowns out all the crap in my head.

My emotional state today is not great to say the least. As anyone who has ever struggled with their weight can understand, emotional turmoil can make it very difficult to make healthy choices; even more so, can make it too easy to make unhealthy choices.

This is what went well today:

I did C25k week 2 day 3 this morning no problem (well, motivation was no problem; the actual doing was tough, but that’s okay). This was before I got the news about the job.

I ate pretty well, considering. I had seconds on the stew, at lunch I had a little unnecessary chicken, and I had a few sips of the BF’s bourbon with dinner. But if I’m going to overeat, better it’s on (mostly) healthy food than a bunch of cake. I actually thought, we could go to the supermarket and get ice cream. It could be my cheat day. But the thought wasn’t even remotely satisfying and just made me feel kind of hollow. So we didn’t get ice cream. (The bourbon was simply exquisite.)

Right as I was getting ready to leave for the gym this evening, the BF called to say he wasn’t feeling well and was skipping the gym this evening. At this point, I pretty much just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep; it was only the fact that I needed to meet the BF that got me to change into my workout clothes to begin with. I stood at the front door for 5 minutes trying to talk myself out of going to the gym this evening: you’ve lifted 3 times this week already. It will be fine if you skip today. But I went, because I was supposed to. I didn’t push myself as hard as I could have. But the important thing is that I went.

To sum it all up: I feel like crap. But I ate okay and I exercised anyway. I’d high five myself but it would be the lamest most unenthusiastic high five ever.

Fitness today: 
C25k: Week 2 Day 3
Walked
Strength training: Upper body (dumbbell chest press, 1-arm rows)

Food today
Pre-run: Greek yogurt  with nut/seed “granola”
Post-run: Greek yogurt, 1/2 cup pomegranate seeds
Snack: 1.5 oz chicken
Lunch: Tuna salad (1 can tuna (=4 proteins), 1 Tbsp mayo + 1 Tbsp Greek yogurt, lettuce, tomato, carrot, red pepper, onion, clean ranch)
Snack: strawberries, nut/seed granola
Pre-gym: 1 low fat string cheese
Post-gym: 2 low fat string cheese
Dinner: African peanut stew (made with PB2 instead of peanut butter, chicken not chickpeas, halved sweet potato), sauteed kale, 1 bourbon

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2 thoughts on “Day 12: food, fitness, and feelings

  1. days like you had today are the days that make it really easy to reach for the ice cream or cake, not go to the gym, drink a lot of bourbon. on any day, recognizing that feeding your craving for ice cream would ultimately be unsatisfying , and going to the gym when you plain don’t feel like it are successes. on days like you had today, those successes are major, not minor. not to be discounted.

    so have an enthusiastic high five from me, yankee girl! you deserve it.

    • Thanks. 🙂 your advice and comments are always insightful and appreciated. I’m so lucky to have you in my corner!

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